DO NOT, under any circumstances--we repeat, DO NOT--waste your money or time on this lemon. To put it simply: the premise is that plant life releases a toxin into the air that interferes with the human instinct for self-preservation, garbles their speech, makes them stand stock still and then walk backwards, and then finally induces them to off themselves with increasingly Magyveresque inventiveness. Death by knitting needle. Death by head-on collision with tree. Death by broken glass from head-on collision with tree. Death by tractor-powered lawnmower. Death by close encounters of the head-butting kind. Ay cafreakingramba!
And this isn't Jon's usual hate-love review. Wendy concurs, as does obviously the confused man in the dishdasha.
We suppose the movie is effective in one way: we very nearly harmed ourselves at several points in the film, and have placed each other on suicide watch.
We don't know what's happening here. The idiot-savant of filmmaking, Hitchcock's oriental heir, is himself moving in reverse: from savant to idiot. Gone is the delightful and creepy complexity of Sixth Sense and sort-of in Signs. Gone the metaphysical sensibility, the mystery, the panache. This one makes Lady in the Water look like an MGM Classic. It makes The Village scream Oscar. It makes Unbreakable, well, that one still sucks. Mark Wahlberg makes Bruce What'shisbutt look like a veritable screen genius.
"What's my motivation, Night?"
"Don't worry about that Mark. All I need from you is to stop, slouch your shoulders, and project constipation. Great. Now cry like the panty-waisted science nerd you are. Great. More sobbing. Good. Hold it. Hold it. And cut. Okay, now Zooey, for this scene I want you to look big-eyed and stupid. Perfect!"
We have only one thing to say: Je t'ai pret mon auto c'est la verite' calculus. Calculus. Calculus. Bang!
Shout-outs: Smash, for always being first. Smash, it's the folks who bought a certain big, white house who are coming to pass the time.
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2 comments:
I thought as much! How lucky for them. You'll have a blast!
Wow, and once again, I am the first. It's kind of sad really. I'm sorry.
Now, I'm really sad to hear that the movie is no good. I was really looking forward to it because I usually love what's his butt's movies. Thanks for the heads up!
Sorry for commenting on this post about 4 months too late, but I just barely saw the movie. I'll admit that I usually ignore your movie reviews, but you are definitely right about this movie.
The acting was so consistently bad throughout, that I was convinced about half-way through that the 1-dimensional acting was part of the plot and shyama-lama-ding-dong planned it that way for some reason that would manifest it in due course. Sure didn't.
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